How to Annoy Harry Potter
by Do You Wonder
Summary: This is just a random story on annoying the hell out of the Harry Potter characters. Rated T for swearing only.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey, Ya'll! Here's my new story! It's just gonna be a bunch of people annoying the shit out of other people. Probably multi-chapter. This story will be about all the Harry Potter characters. If I make another, series of these, it will be for Big Time Rush. I love Big Time Rush…but you already knew that. Teehee…Enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**_

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_How To Annoy Harry Potter_

_#1… Follow him around asking him really random questions._

_Harry's POV_

So there I was, minding my own business in the library, when Luna comes up to me. Now, she is strange, but today she was acting a little more off than usual.

"Harry, do you know what He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named does when he has a cold?"

"Sorry, what?" Uhhh…

"Do you know what-"

"No, I heard you…I was just wondering if I heard it right."

"I mean, he doesn't have a nose. What does he do with tissues?"

"I don't know. He's dead anyway, what does it matter?"

"Just wondering. So where do you think he sneezes out of?"

"Doesn't he have slits for a nose?"

"I don't think so…" Luna tapped her chin in deep thought. "It would be hard to blow a slit-nose."

"True…" I never really had such a strange conversation, and frankly, I was getting annoyed.

I got up from the old wooden chair, hoping to get away. "So I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Wait, Harry! I still don't know. It's quite a controversial subject. Perhaps he uses a Q-tip…or maybe he just doesn't get colds."

"Luna, I really have to-"

"Hey, Harry!"

"Hello, Colin. I really don't have time for a picture today."

"Oh, that's not what I wanted to ask. I was just wondering, if you don't mind me asking, do you think that You-Know-Who has trouble with his slit-nose?"

"Colin, he doesn't have a nose," Luna butted in.

"Well then how does he breathe?"

Luna and Colin were now in a heated argument about Voldemort's nose. As much as I wanted to leave, as much as this was annoying the living hell out of me, it would seem rude to just disappear. So, I waited, until Ron came.

_Ron's POV_

"Harry, just the chap I was looking for! By any chance do you know-"

"NO, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT VOLDEMORT'S BLOODY PROBLEM IS WITH HIS STUPID NOSE!" He let out a strangled cry and ran away in hysterics. I turned to Colin and Loony.

"I don't even want to know what you did to him. I only had a question about our Divination assignment." Right about now I was very confused.

"We got him good, didn't we?" said Colin excitedly.

"That was fun! We annoyed the _crap_ out of him!"

"Whatever it was, next time I am JOINING!" I guess it could be fun…

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_**Haha. Sorry it's so short! Me and my friends had this weird talk discussing Voldemort's nose. That's where I got this random inspiration. So yeah…Review?**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two! Huzzah! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I watched "Backstage Rush…again. It was so cute how Logan lost his book…I did that once, I went totally berserk and my mom got annoyed and fished the book out from under the couch. Oh yeah and then my brother (he's only six) was like, "How do they sing so loud?" And it was so cute! Cuz then I just said, "Oh…they have microphones." And then he said, "No they don't." And it was SOOO adorable. (Both my brother and Big Time Rush.) Total TANGENT! Enjoy the chapter!**_

**_The idea for this chapter was from_** **the one with the divine smile.**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own iPod, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, or AngryBirds.**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to my baby brother. Annoying+Cute=Brothers!**_

_**Also to**_** the one with the divine smile. _Thanks so much!_**

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_How to Annoy Draco Malfoy_

_#1. Torment him about Muggle things._

_Malfoy's POV_

As usual, I was being a jerk.

"Oi! Malfoy!" I heard an irritatingly familiar voice. I turned to see Weasel holding a strange device. "D'you know what this is?"

"What makes you think I know what the hell that contraption is?"

"Well, I figured you'd have some idea, on account of the secret stash under your drawing-room."

"Nobody's supposed to know about that!" I hissed, with much concern about how Ron came by the fact. "Keep your voice down! There are Dark Arts things down there that are illegal."

"Before you said that, did you keep in mind that my father works for the Ministry?" Weasley remarked sarcastically. I face-palmed. "Urrghhh."

"So got any ideas?"

"Go ask your Mudblood friends." I realized the statement was a bad idea far too late. One second I was smirking, the next, whimpering in pain.

"I guess I deserved that…" I said, clutching my nose.

"No kidding! So do you know what it is?"

"No."

"Come on, please?

"I don't know what it is."

"Yes you do, you're just not telling me."

"No, I don't."

"Could you at least guess?"

"Fine. Look at it, maybe it says something."

"It says, 'iPod. 16GB."

"Now you know what it is. It's an Eye-pod sixteen jee-bee." I turned around. "Bye, now."

"But what does it do?"

"I don't know, Ron. Stop bothering me."

"OH MY GOD!"

"WHAT?"

"I think it works!"

"Great! GO AWAY."

"Wait, wait! Look!"

"WHAT?" I was now completely exasperated.

He was furiously staring at the Eye-Pod sixteen jee-bee and poking it. "This thing reacts when you touch it."

"Wonderful."

"Come look at it! It's got little pictures and each one has a little thing that goes with it."

"I really don't think that's dark magic. It's more like Muggle stuff." I really didn't know. I just wanted him out of my hair.

"Who cares? It's got GAMES!"

"Just go get the Muggle Studies teacher."

"LOOK! LOOK! HIGH SCORE!"

"Oh, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

Weasley looked at me like a little kid without candy. "Just to play AngryBirds…"

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_**Yup. So that's my chapter. I didn't really like it much. Oh well. This SOOO reminds me of my little brother. Whenever he's playing AngryBirds, he's always like, "Come play with me!" But when I try to play, he swats my hand away. Little brothers are so annoying. BUT THEY'RE SO ADORABLE! Anyway, My summer vacation is here! Yay! Hopefully I will be updating more now… Review please? BIG TIME RUSH IS AWESOME!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hallo! I just watched a movie with Scottish people in it, so now that little voice in my head has a Scottish accent! Yay! Enjoy this next update…**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any Harry Potter characters, or "Monk" the TV show. Not that that has anything to do with the story…**_

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_How to Annoy Hermoine Granger_

_#1. Tell her that the library is closed._

_Draco Malfoy's POV_

It was just a regular day, when suddenly a thought struck me. That mudblood, Granger, had socked me in the nose the other day. Why not get back at her for it? I mean, I _am_ a heartless dickhead. No one would ever suspect there was anything wrong with me if I messed with a girl. Especially a Muggle-born. So, I sat down in the Slytherin common room to think of a plan…

I quietly stood behind the corner on the end of the corridor near the History of Magic classroom. Hermoine would be coming around it soon. Just as I expected, thirty seconds later she came bustling through with her…well, you could call it a bookbag, but I bet it's her own personal weight-lifting set.

"Hello, Granger."

"Hello, idiot." She kept cool at the sight of me…unnatural for people in general.

"Where are you going?"

"To the library, of course." She pushed past me and continued walking, without the slightest hesitation.

"Oh, didn't you hear?" I exclaimed with my best pity-face-sneer, "The library is closed. Seems a pixie got in and…well, I suppose you wouldn't want to know what it did." Granger really bought it. She gave me a hard glare and a "What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"The pixie, well, it _went_ on all of the history section."

"That can't be…It simply can't be!" A shocked expression crossed her face, followed by denial.

"Well, it is."

"NO! NO! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN! I HATE THIS! DAMN YOU! STUPID LIBRARY! DAMNED PIXIE!"

"Yeah. The library is closed. Deal with it."

"Okay, how about I just can look at the potions section of the library? Or Madam Pince can send some books out?"

"I don't think that's gonna happen, Granger," I was liking this more and more.

"Why does everything happen to me? I had a History assignment due tomorrow…Why me? WHY?"

"Calm down. It's just the library."

"NO! NO, NO, NO!"

"Are you okay?"

"No…no I'm not. The library is closed. How can I be okay? Why does everything bad happen to me?"

"Uhhh…"

"Why can't we just sit outside and read? Something? But...maybe the library is closed for a reason…I'll just have to live with it."

"Okay then…Bye." I turned around and started to walk away. Suddenly, I was knocked down by a whale. No, a…bookbag?

"I HATE YOU! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME? DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!"

Harry's POV

All I saw was Hermoine sitting on the floor laughing her head off and Malfoy running away and screaming like a little girl. I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

"Sooo…What'cha doin'?" I cautiously approached my friend, who was still laughing like Malfoy had just run away screaming like a little girl…oh wait, he did.

"Malfoy-(giggle)-said that the library-(giggle)- was closed 'cuz a pixie-(snort)-peed on the books, but, there's a spell that-(giggle)-prevents non-human creatures from getting in the library." She paused to catch her breath. I was still hopelessly confused. "So, I knew he was just trying to annoy me. So I acted crazy, going through the five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. So I started with denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, but then I skipped acceptance and looped back over to anger, then depression, then bargaining, then I accepted it. But when he left, I hit him in the head with my bookbag and went back to anger. That's when you showed up."

"Well, interesting story, Hermoine, but I really should be getting back to the common room. You know, where all the sane people are."

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_**Wow. I just finished writing this at exactly 12:23 AM. I am so weird…**_

_**Haha! I got that "Five Stages of Grief" thing from the detective show, "Monk". I love that show. Not nearly as much as I love Big Time Rush. Ha. Not even close.**_

_**So, anybody guess when I'm publishing my new story? (About BTR)? Here's another hint...**_

"_**Pedal to the metal, baby hold me tight…Anything you want I can get that, girl. If you with that, girl."**_

_**Haters gonna hate, Rushers gonna ELEVATE!**_

_**If you don't really care about Big Time Rush, well, whatever. Then you're just like my good friend, (ahem) WatsWithUrGraceFace. Even though she is an anti-Rusher, we're still friends. I wonder why…haha! I'm pretty sure her pen-name will be changed, anyway. So whatever. Bye!**_


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